Angel Baby

Many of you have been asking why I have not posted an update from my ultrasound. Please allow me to explain why. The results of the first ultrasound were not the ones we wanted to hear. Baby was measuring in fine at 12mm/7 weeks gestation, but his/her gestational sac was only measuring in at 13mm. My doctor explained to me that they like to see a 5mm or greater difference in size between the baby and the sac, and that babies with a less than 2.5mm difference often are miscarried. We scheduled another ultrasound for today (Friday, November 28) and went on with our week...hoping and praying. We prayed that the next ultrasound would reveal a steady and healthy heartbeat, a baby with appropriate growth, and a bigger swimming pool (aka gestational sac). But it was not meant to be.

At the ultrasound today, the tech was unable to find a heartbeat. She called in a doctor on staff and he explained all the details of miscarriage to me. And then the tech sat down with me, held my hand and showed me the images she had captured of our baby. She showed me where the heart should have been. It was still. She said that the baby had grown to approximately 8 weeks gestation, and that she guessed that the baby likely passed earlier today, or even the day before, but she couldn't be sure.

My volunteer work with Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep has done a lot in the way of preparing me for this kind of situation. Granted, I never imagined I would be on this side of it. There are many quotes that the photographers use to comfort grieving parents, many of which I have myself found comforting. I will leave you with those quotes...as I have nothing more to say.

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Other things may change us, but we start and end with family - Anthony Brandt

There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings. - Hodding Carter, Jr.

Dearest Baby, May you know, our greatest blessing was having you.

and my favorite...

Dear God,
Since I was unable to hold my baby on my lap and tell her about you,
Will you please hold her on your lap, and tell her about me?